Friday, April 30, 2010

[axe]ing a few questions

if you've been reading this blog for a while, you're familiar with my love/hate relationship with "axe" body wash. if that last statement confuses you, please read this. once again this product has caused me to question my thoughts on society, humanity, social norms, and life itself.

this weekend, my allergies kicked into high gear for a second time this season, and i found myself at the pharmacy looking for the ultimate decongestant to help rid myself from the hay fever induced haze i was in. finding my fix amid the mural of medicine, i headed to the check out. as i turned by the herbal essence, and headed through the deodorants, something caught my eye. staring at me from behind it's plexiglass protection was the "axe" body wash! that's correct! the "axe" body wash was behind lock and key!

*mind blown*

why on earth would "axe" be locked up! what made it so special and important! why was it necessary to find an attendant in order to purchase "axe", while my very own, "old spice", was left sitting sad and lonely on the bottom shelf. i was beyond baffled and slightly pissed. i paid for my pills, went home, and naturally did what any inquisitive 21st century mind does...i "googled" it.

this was a mistake as it only led me further into confusion. unable to find out exactly why "axe" body wash might be locked up, google led me to pages of articles and videos of a new trend. apparently the latest thrill for the american teen-aged male, is to spray ones self with axe body spray and light yourself on fire.

"really", you ask?


at this point, the claritin had kicked in, and i was thinking clearly, which just furthered the problem. let's take a minute here and ask the youth of our nation a few questions shall we? first of all, why would you purposely light yourself on fire? fire burns, and it will hurt you. there is an entire career out there whose sole purpose is to fight fire, their called fire fighters. next, i can understand the you're looking for a thrill, but why fire? if you want to experience something really scary, here's what you do, take a calculus class. by FAR the scariest thing i've ever done in my life. it's no wonder other countries are beating us at math. their youth are learning triple integrals and you're singeing off arm hair. also, and let me be clear, i am in no way in support of any of this, but if it really is your goal to light yourself on fire, film it, and post it on youtube, please, at the very least, use a tripod, no more shaky camera work, a little bit of professionalism can go a long way. also, here's an idea, instead of having some random guy light himself on fire, why not work it into a script? get a little character development going on, a back story, let the audience know exactly how stupid this guy is and why he might be lighting himself on fire. as an added benefit, you'd be working on your writing skills! another area america happens to be behind in. finally, and possibly most confusing. why are you using "axe"? there's got to be a generic brand of that stuff somewhere, considerably cheaper. save your pennies. look on the side of the bottle, i guarantee you, it's got the same hair singeing ingredients as the expensive stuff.

so...once again axe, you have baffled the mind...and in you're own way, reminded me, i'm not a kid anymore, so for that, i thank you. i'd write more, but "the golden girls" is on tv right now, and i really want to catch this episode.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

[yoga] feet

feeling a little restless and wanting to try something new, i recently signed up for a yoga class. although it's been rewarding, it's not at all what i had planned.

first of all, one reason i joined the class, i thought it would be a great way to meet some new people. young, hip, earthy, healthy, stress free, urban people. the kind of people who would know the best place to get pho, or hear a poetry slam reading. stereotypical i know, but i felt a yoga class would be a good place to start. the first day of class however, i found my fellow yoga partners to consist of one other dude, and five ladies, all above the age of 65. not a problem, just not what i had planned.

secondly, i'm not very flexible. now although i hoped yoga would help this, i am, by far, the least graceful in the class. during some stretches, and eerily similar to one of my favorite movies, the instructor will say, "if you're feeling any pain or discomfort, feel free to lie in child's pose..." although it may sound like she's saying it to the whole class, deep down, i know she's speaking directly to me. even with this suggestion, i still find i wake up the next day, sore in places i never knew existed.

finally, and by far, what's making my yoga experience go astray, is my wardrobe. before the class started, i thought i'd buy some yoga pants, thinking if i had the right attire, i might not look out of place. however searching the internet, i found yoga pants to be terribly expensive! seventy dollars for what appear to simply be sweat pants! with that logic in my head, i went to the store to find the cheapest pair of sweats i could. $4.95, you can't beat that. not seeing any need to try them on, i grabbed a pair of dark colored extra large ones and purchased them. leaving them in the bag for a few days, i didn't actually put them on until i was in the locker room of the gym. the legs were twice the length i needed and the crotch hung down past my knees. not having time to run back to my apartment and grab something else, i headed to class. although the pants were easy to move in, the pants made my torso look 4 feet long and my legs look 6 inches long, but i kept at it. during the end of class, as we were lying in our "savasana" pose, trying to rid our bodies of any tension and our minds of any stress, one thought kept running through my head.

between my stiff and awkward stretches and the sagging sweatpants, i was trying to figure out how exactly the "golden girls" on the mats next to me, hadn't cracked up at the "penguin" working out next to them, because that's exactly what i looked like doing yoga. i'm just thankful i didn't purchase the purple sweatpants. couple that with a k-state shirt, and i would've looked like grimace from mcdonald's.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

meat[loaf] lovers

i love meatloaf

and when you look at the reasons, it's not hard to see why it graces the top of my favorite meals list. first of all, it's simple. no fancy ingredients, mostly made with items every standard kitchen has. it gets mixed, and baked. you can't beat that. second of all, while it's baking, and it's aroma fills the house, memories come sweeping back over me of my childhood, when i would have to get cleaned up from playing neighborhood baseball before dinner. next, there's a wonderful retro-kitschiness associated with meatloaf. a meal which become popular during the depression as a way to stretch the meat budget, it could be made with inexpensive meats and ingredients, and still feed a large family. fourthly, not only is it great right out of the oven, but it's a meal where the leftover's create a plethora of other meals, almost outdoing it's original intention. fifth, it goes well with mashed potatoes...nuff said. finally, meatloaf is one of those wonderful dishes everyone knows how to make, and everyone has there own special way of fixing it, making it a wonderful meal to try in different establishments and locations.

now, being it was one of my favorite meals growing up, it was one of the first meals i took the time to perfect once i got out on my own. my style of meatloaf is a very traditional mixture consisting of a combination of my moms recipe as well as a family friend. being extremely proud of my own recipe, this past weekend i decided to put my loaf where my mouth was, and entered a meatloaf competition.

enlisting the help of my mom, early saturday morning my apartment was filled with the scent of meatloaf. finishing up and placing them in the roaster, we headed to the competition, four blocks away. i was feeling extremely confident, up until got there, and realized most of the other competitors were actual chef's from local restaurants, complete with fancy hats, fancy knives, and fancy aprons. setting up next to me, were stainless steel trays filled with mixtures of rabbit meats, sweet bread, bacon wraps, and smoked chorizo. i was a little nervous. however as the competition commenced, and i handed out samples, i realized, my traditional approach was actually what set me apart, so i started mentioning this fact to the samplers. now, it could have been the fact i had a more traditional recipe, or it might have simply been they wanted a little bit more "eye candy" from yours truly, but there were several ladies in the 65+ category who came back for seconds.

at the end of the competition, the winners were announced, and sadly i didn't win. i did however win the most "diner-esque" meatloaf award, which the judges explained as being exactly the kind of meatloaf you'd want when you go into a diner...

...and looking back on why i love meatloaf in the first place, and what i'd like my version to be, it was the perfect award to win.