[millennial]reideeer

 

let's check in on the [millennial] reindeer and see how life is for the team now that they’re in their early 40’s.

 

dasher

- not as quick as he use to be.
- still talks about the championship reindeer game of ‘99 and how he could have won state had coach put him in.
- divorced from his high school sweetheart, vixen, as she was tired of him constantly talking about his glory days of christmas past.
- recently got into "clausefit"; won’t stop talking about it.

 

 

dancer

- kicked off her college "deerleading" squad for anger issues.
- now a “dance mom.”
- recently joined "click clok" to stay up to date on viral dance trends, it makes her feel hip.
- slightly bitter she’s never been asked to be a guest on “dancing with the christmas stars” but still watches anyway.
 

 

 

prancer

- typical 80’s child star saga.
- one mildly hit movie, then spent most of the 90’s getting “high” with blitzen.
- involved in a high profile trial involving the “hit and run of a senior citizen.”
- after being acquitted in the “grandma case” got his life back on track. he’s now a barista at caribou coffee where he enjoys being recognized…occasionally.
-will also tell you he has the worlds largest christmas album collection, only original vinyl of course.

 

 

vixen

- divorced from dasher and couldn’t be happier….although she still stalks him on IG and saw he recently joined "clausefit"…which she finds…interesting.
- gets BOWtox injections.
- recently referred to as a RILF.
- addicted to “the real carriage house wives of the north pole.”
- has a secret Onlyfawns account.

 

 

 comet

- got REALLY into astrology during the pandemic.
- is attracted to blitzen but wont date him because he’s a stag-atarius….and a “sled head.”
- let’s everyone know she’s now a vegan, which impresses no one…because she’s a reindeer.
- always on the look out for new flavors of organic, vegan, gluten free “caribou-cha.”

 

 

 cupid

- needs to get her love life out of “the rut.”
-tired of meeting guys on “mating” apps only to have them “flake” on her.
-vixen tells her it’s because she has “resting grinch face.”
-but she doesn’t have the disposable income vixen has to get BOWtox every 12 days of christmas!
-wonders where vixen gets that extra cash….
-reads a lot of elf help books.
-tired of being told to get on the dance floor by wedding dj’s when they play “all the jingle ladies.” 

 

 

 donner

- DONner, The DONinator, DONarooskie
-called the “hoof” of wall street.
-bad addiction to “florida snow” in the late 00’s, supplied by blitzen.
-now off the “nose candy” he feels even more “driven” than in his 20’s.
-early investor in NFT’s (Non Flammable Trees)
-needs to work on being “present” outside the office.
-takes “stable tennis” lessons on the weekends to network.
-thinking about starting an investment podcast called “make it rein."

 

 

 blitzen

-huge “grateful sled” and “deer-y garcia” fan.
-still chasing the “high” he had working for big red.
-bakes with mrs. claus.
-nicknamed “bing” for his “white christmas” parties.
-dislikes random drug testing.
-tried to convinced santa to change christmas to april 20th… you know...for the warmer weather.
-now spends most of his time trying to get “magic grass” legalized at the north pole, which basically means doing “research” and commenting on facebook. 

 

 

 

 rudolph (gen z)

- not a worry in the world.
- most “yoke” of all the reindeer.
- hasn’t “burnt” out yet.
- has no real talent, yet has a million youtube subscribers simply by posting his “does it glow” videos.
- because of this, he makes more than all the other reindeer. (who’s laughing and calling him names now!)
- still on parents phone/data plan.
- funny online but extremely awkward af irl.
- swears he saw an old coworker on Onlyfawns.

 

i'll have a [cozy] christmas