architects and dating - a pain in the butt[tress]

lately, there have been several articles written on how "sexy it is to be an architect", or "why you should date an architect."  that’s all fine and dandy, but there are a few issues that make us an absolute pain in the ass to date.  

i’ve narrowed it down to three main factors.

options

we’re always looking at options.  i don’t mean in the sense we’re looking for other people to be with, although frank and lou didn’t help our reputation on that issue.  rather our head is constantly looking at realistic possibilities to various situations. last weekend, my girlfriend and i, who i’ve been dating for a year and a half, had a very serious talk about the future.  during that discussion i may have said something to the effect of,

“well if we stay together, so and so will happen and if we break up, this could happen.”

to which she rightfully asked, “ you think about us breaking up?"

naturally, i don’t, but i told her it is an option to consider.

*this did little to get me out of the hole i was digging myself

through a little more conversation and another glass of wine, i was able to explain to her why i constantly look at options.  my whole job as an architect is to look at options.  nearly everything we do is looking at different possibilities and how we might deal with them. situations like, what if code won’t allow it?  what if the project needs to expand in the future?  what if the project is over budget?  what if the material specified is unavailable?  our whole day consists of looking at different options. unfortunately, i feel this trait follows me into my personal life.  i always have the overall goal of creating a great building, or in this case a long, healthy and beautiful relationship, but you have to be prepared for the worse, even the possibility of the project getting canceled.

defensiveness

a trait that quickly follows looking at lots of options is the stubbornness we have when we've come to a conclusion.  i’ve been told by multiple ex-girlfriends and several close friends i get very defensive when discussing ideas.

“you state everything as though it's the only right answer!” has been said to me more times than i’d like to admit.

i blame this on the profession as well, or more specifically our schooling.  most of architecture school is preparing projects for critiques, a situation where you must defend your thinking, rationalization and design against a barrage of questions. you prepare for every angle of attack, think of every possible detail they could discuss, and most importantly, you answer those questions confidently, even if you’re unsure.  it’s not hard to imagine how this training can make you appear like a jerk when involved with anyone who starts to question why you did something.  i know personally in arguments i’ll think to myself, 

“do you honestly think i didn’t think of that already! i've already looked at all the options!” 

not the best thought to have during a discussion but one i'm sure most designers have.  this can be a bad trait to have when things get heated with anyone, but ten times worse with a fellow architect.  if you ever happen to be in a situation where two architects are in a heated argument, get yourself some popcorn and a comfortable chair because it’s going to be a show.

vacations

i’m not sure how anyone, who isn’t an architect, vacations with us. honestly, my idea of a perfect vacation is simply walking around looking at buildings, going on building tours, admiring qualities of space, or sitting in a plaza sketching.  all incredibly wonderful to me; completely boring to most everyone else.  i once forced my parents to drive an hour out of our way to see a jewel box bank designed by louis sullivan in the middle of nowhere iowa.  i was enthralled, they sat in the car, waiting for me to stop taking pictures so we could drive the hour back to the interstate and continue on our way.  thankfully they’ve now figured out my vacation agenda and let me wonder around by myself all day long eventually meeting up to enjoy dinner with them.  i would like to tell you this was a single occurrence, but i’ve recently had my girlfriends parents drive me to various buildings around boston in the dead of a new england winter so i could take pictures.  i walked around admiring the architecture in the freezing cold, while they waited in the warmth of the car and, i’m assuming, wondered who in the hell their daughter was dating.

there are various other problems such as; late nights, lack of color in wardrobe, expensive furniture taste and impossible to shop for, but in my opinion the items discussed are the top three.

that being said, it really isn't all bad to date an architect. if someone is willing to accept these qualities, or rather, if we’re able to keep them in check, we really do make great partners. for the most part, you’ll have an individual who craves culture, can be a professional while still having an artistic side, will always to try find creative ways to show their love to you and will always be down to sit and enjoy a great cup of coffee with you.

or you could simply do what our clients have figured out; pay us to listen ad be civil.

designing for a [date movie]

like most architects, i have my own theory on urban planning, based on years and years of research. cities need to be designed as though they are a romantic comedy.


let me explain...


first the reason i got into architecture, meg ryan. i LOVED meg ryan as a teenager. the late 90's found me watching every, single, movie she was in. being that meg was america's sweetheart at the time, this found me viewing many of the decades best rom-com's.  one of the best examples of the genre was "sleepless in seattle" which found meg ryan falling in love with tom hanks who just so happened to be an architect.  this of course peaked my interest to pursue architecture, after all, any profession that helps win the heart of meg must be awesome.  not only did this cause me to fall in love with architecture, but i had also become very fond of the genre.

these two passions, architecture and romantic comedies led me to my theory on urban planning, which i call:

Parallels Between Successful Urban Centers and Romantic Comedies 

or 

Designing for a Date Movie

i'll explain a bit more. in architecture school we studied kevin lynch's book "image of the city" in which he talks about the elements of a city that make it "memorable." he proposed a well planned city includes, paths, edges, districts, nodes and landmarks. however i think kevin forgot one factor, "hooking up." spring boarding off his ideas, i'd like to propose that cities, like good rom-com's, need public spaces, backdrops, walks, destinations and activities.  not only will these five elements make for a better city, they might just help you meet the love of your life.

public spaces

all great rom-com's start with the characters meeting, and a great public space is just the place for that to happen.  here we see scenes from "the notebook" " serendipity" and "the break-up" all showing where the main characters met. cities should have spaces able to hold large groups of people and activities like carnivals, sporting events, and retail centers.

backdrops

rom-coms require a lot of talking and dialogue is much better with an amazing backdrop.

one example of an excellent backdrop is a skyline. skylines give you the sense of being removed from the chaos. a place to focus your attention. like two characters starting to get to know each other, cities need locations to be admired and reflected upon. below we see examples of l.a. in "500 days of summer" and new york in "annie hall" 

another possible backdrop is a single building or structure. cities should be filled with great architecture, both modern and historic.  below we see the disney concert hall in "celeste and jesse forever" buckingham fountain in "return to me" and the spanish steps in "roman holiday."

walks

simply watching a movie of two people talking doesn't make for much romance, so often times rom-coms will have the characters WALK and talk. cities should provide great places for people to walk, in which there are two kinds.

park walks always provide a great setting. it allows the characters to be a little more personal and intimate while still being in the public realm. here we see park walks in "when harry met sally" "definitely maybe" and "pretty woman"

you can also have an urban walk. this allows for more interaction with the city and other people. here we see examples in "breakfast at tiffany's" "before sunrise" "kissing a fool" and "barefoot in the park." cities must have well defined and enjoyable urban walks to help move people within a cities core. these walks are often a prelude to the next element.

destinations

if you're trying to get to know someone you must discover their taste in music, movies, literature or fashion. urban areas should have a variety of retail shops to help aid this.  great examples are record stores as in "500 days of summer" and " before sunrise" or bookstores as seen in "annie hall" or "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind." apparently in these settings, guys should always stand on the left.

another great destination is a restaurant. after all the walking and talking, you're going to be hungry. also there's no better way to get to know someone then having to watch them eat. every urban core should have a wide variety of restaurants, bars and coffee shops.  examples of rom-com restaurants in "serendipity" "sabrina" and "when harry met sally."

not only should there be restaurants, but these restaurants should have patio's. rom-com's love patio's and cities should take note of that fact. patios allow the characters to have the intimacy of their own table while at the same time connecting to the city. below are some patio scenes from "failure to launch" "when harry met sally" and "midnight in paris."

one last destination several rom-coms have and all cities should, are museums.  not only do these provide for witty banter and insight between the characters, they enrich the culture of a city.

activities

when you've had just about as much "talking" as you can handle, it's time for the charters to actually do something. cities and especially downtown's should offer a variety of activities for people to partake in.  activities like ice skating scene in "serendipity," yoga in "what women want" and dancing in "dirty dancing."

while doing research on various activities in rom-com's, one activity stood out....karaoke. i'm not sure if this is an anomaly or not, but let's just assume to be a great city it must include karaoke bars. here we see karaoke scenes from "ps i love you" "my best friends wedding" and "500 days of summer."

if you've followed my theory this far, thank you. as i've said early it's completely based on my complete and total love of the romantic comedy genre. although it might need some fine tuning, before i present it to any urban planning board, i would encourage you to take a look around your city and find the places and settings you think would make for a great rom-com scene. chances are those places are some of the best designed and well planned area's of the city.

deal or no deal[breakers]

last week, as i was cleaning my apartment, i found a piece of paper i had written a list on several years ago.  the list was that of [dealbreakers] when it came to dating women.  if you happen to be unfamiliar with the term [dealbreaker] it's a trait or characteristic about someone, that upon finding out, makes you no longer interested.  although the list was written somewhat in jest, i thought it would be entertaining to share a few [dealbreakers] i had written down.

-fake boobs
-dress their pets up in human clothes
-too much or badly applied makeup
-wears mom jeans
-drug user
-constant whale tale
-cussing
-extremely messy apartment
-skanky dresser
-country music fan
-red hair
-video gamer
-tongue piercing

like i said, the list was written to be funny, but there was a little truth behind everything on the list.  reading back over on what a younger version of me had written down, got me thinking.  granted, i'm not that much older or wiser than i was when i wrote the list, i can tell you, i don't necessarily have the same view on [dealbreakers] i had back then.

in a way, focusing on [dealbreakers] is very negative.  constantly being on the look out for bad traits might distract you from finding out something quite wonderful about a person.  it also seems a little odd to consider everyone out there a match, until they loose enough points to make them [un-dateable].  however maybe when you're in your twenties, while you're still finding out about yourself, it is best to assume you can date anyone.  how else are you to learn what you are and are not attracted to.

over the years, what i've found myself attracted to has changed quite a bit.  to be honest, at 18, i was attracted to any blond who looked good in a bikini.  luckily my twenties found me broadening my scope, refining characteristics and becoming far less shallow.  there are a hundred little traits women can possess that are wondeful in my opinion, but there are four main qualities i find myself attracted to.

-creative
-sympathetic / considerate
-passionate / driven
-independent

quite a different list than a had a few years back. it's far less negative and allows you to be surprised by someone you may have dismissed.  if a woman has the above mentioned qualities, there might just be a red-headed, tongue pierced, trash talking,  mom jean wearing, country music fan out there who would be perfect for me.  however, if she's addicted to meth or loves to dress their pomeranian up in little tuxedo's, i might still be hesitant, as both seem pretty "cray-cray" in my mind,  but who's to say.

so the question i'll ask to the void of the internet, or anyone who might read this post is this.  should a person have [dealbreakers] or not?  are there qualities, traits, and habits you're allowed to dislike, or is it best to be open to anything?

the [golf]ing game

a couple of months ago, the city of wichita was looking at closing one of it's five municipal courses. if you read my blog, you know i try not to get political, so i wont go into how i think this is an absolutely idiotic idea. or how it sounded like a typical government solution of jump right to "closing" instead of looking at "improving". or how i think a bad decision they made a decade ago benefiting the wealthier side of town, now might hurt the less affluent side. or how i think it's incredibly obtuse of the local government to close something that helps provide outdoor recreation and entertainment, ultimately providing to the better health of the community.

but like i said, i don't like to get political, so you don't have to hear me talk about that. actually, i hate arguing any issue when i'm not entirely educated. hearing this news made me realize i hadn't golfed all the municipal courses in town. i'm not the best golfer, but what better way to learn more about the issue than golfing. so this past summer, i was on a quest to golf 18 holes at all the city courses to better educate myself.

i quickly learned each course had it's own unique character. it was almost like dating you might say. that being said, to make my research more entertaining, i thought i'd present my findings like it's the dating game.

here we go.


contestant number 1 hails from the south side of town, she's old and a little busted. she's the least popular contestant, and she's fallen into financial trouble the past few years, but that doesn't stop her from having her charms.

me - "number 1, if i were to golf you, what would a typical day be like?"

number 1 - "listen, i know i'm not the prettiest girl on the block, but i think we'd have a good time. if you're new to the game, i'll go easy on you. if you're able to ignore the rusted shopping carts in my creek beds, we should be just fine"


contest number 2 is a westsider. she's young and incredibly good looking. people think she's pretty, but with more expensive green fees, find her pretentious, and a little snooty.

me - "number 2, what advice could you give me if i wanted to play you?"

number 2 - "i'm out of your league, don't even try"


contestant number 3 also hails from the west side, but lives by the airport. she's not as pretty as contestant number 2, but has longer "legs". she's also more popular than number 2.

me - "number 3, what's the most difficult thing about golfing you?"

number 3 - "well, it's a bit of a drive to visit me, and some people complain about all the jets taking off in the background. i also don't have a lot of shade, so it's going to be hot, not a problem if you're into that sort of thing. also i'm the longest course in wichita, so you have to have a lot of energy, which scares some people off."


contestant number 4 is a downtowner. she's the most popular of all our contestants, as well as the most profitable. she's simple, but her location makes her extremely likable and fun.

me - "number 4, what can you tell me about yourself that would make me want to golf you?"

number 4 - "well, i'm right downtown, so i'm easy to play over a long lunch or right after work, but you'll have to call to set up a date well in advance, because i've got a lot of appointments."



finally contestant number 5. she's actually the most well rounded of all our contestants. she's mature, kept up well, and offers some challenges without being too difficult. her age has only brought on more beauty, and she recently had some major work done helping hide her age.

me - "number 5, what makes you unique?"

number 5 - "well, i actually use to be the old wichita country club, but they've moved on...don't worry, i'm not jaded or anything...it's not like i think about it all the time.... i've moved on...really...i've totally forgotten that part of my life. i'm very happy being a municipal course now. did i mention i use to be the wichita country club?"


after completing all the courses, news came the city of wichita won't be closing any of them. even though that's what spurred my quest, i'm glad i got out and golfed more this summer. truth is, they're all great courses, each with it's own unique quality, and it would be a shame to loose any of them.

personal af[fair]

a generous gift of a free admission ticket, and a lack of anyone to take along, meant i enjoyed a little [self]date to the kansas state fair this past weekend. just [myself] and [i].

the day didn't start out too terribly early. [i] let [myself] sleep in a bit. mostly because i know [myself] isn't a fan of getting up early, but neither am [i], so it all worked out. after getting up and around the car left a little before noon. the drive was fairly uneventful, but the radio was tuned to the classic country station, which [i] thought was the perfect way to get [myself] in the mood for a good ol' time at the fair.

both [i] and [myself] had been involved in 4-h growing up, so the first visit was to the livestock barns, filled with every breed of chicken, rabbit, sheep, goat and cattle imaginable. in the poultry exhibit [i] got a little too close to a rooster cage while trying to take a picture, and the little, for lack of a better term, cock, bit my finger. [i] was pissed, but the humor of the situation was not lost on [myself]

after that, it was time to get something to eat. [i] really wanted to try this year's "fair food fad", which was a krispy kreme cheeseburger. however upon inspection, [myself] thought it was gross, so [i] decided to spare [myself] the scene of devouring it. pronto pup seemed a more fitting and slightly healthier alternative. after finishing an amazing corn dog, it was decided to enjoy some ice cream. however, [i] apparently have never eaten ice cream from a cone while sporting a beard before, and accidentally got ice cream all over [myself]. it might sound cute, but it wasn't. [i] got a napkin and cleaned up [myself].

after the ice cream mishap, a stroll through the rides was next. [myself] would have probably enjoyed a ride or two, but [i] was too cheap to buy [myself] any tickets. [myself] then thought about trying out one of the games, but honestly, if a prize would have been won, [i] didn't want to walk around the fair awkwardly trying to hold a giant jamaican banana, especially with [myself].

just when the [self]date seemed to be failing, the pig races happened. as hokey and cheesy as it was, it ended up being a riot to watch and was enjoyed by [myself], [i], and everyone else in attendance.

as the day started to come to an end, it was time to head back. during the ride home, it was discovered [i] smelled like corn dog and barn, a combination of odors not enjoyed by [myself], so the windows were rolled down. heading into wichita [i] thought about getting a few drinks to end the night, but it was easy to see [i] wore [myself] out, so the date ended.

i'm not terribly sure [i] would ask [myself] out again. [i] really wasn't thrilled spending the day with [myself]. honestly [myself] is a little boring. then again [i] probably didn't help things out being more focused on taking photos, instead of enjoying a day getting to know [myself]. who knows? maybe [i] could find something better to do with [myself], but at this point in time, [i] should probably look for someone else to spend time with. [myself] would probably agree.