Monday, October 10, 2011

the [golf]ing game

a couple of months ago, the city of wichita was looking at closing one of it's five municipal courses. if you read my blog, you know i try not to get political, so i wont go into how i think this is an absolutely idiotic idea. or how it sounded like a typical government solution of jump right to "closing" instead of looking at "improving". or how i think a bad decision they made a decade ago benefiting the wealthier side of town, now might hurt the less affluent side. or how i think it's incredibly obtuse of the local government to close something that helps provide outdoor recreation and entertainment, ultimately providing to the better health of the community.

but like i said, i don't like to get political, so you don't have to hear me talk about that. actually, i hate arguing any issue when i'm not entirely educated. hearing this news made me realize i hadn't golfed all the municipal courses in town. i'm not the best golfer, but what better way to learn more about the issue than golfing. so this past summer, i was on a quest to golf 18 holes at all the city courses to better educate myself.

i quickly learned each course had it's own unique character. it was almost like dating you might say. that being said, to make my research more entertaining, i thought i'd present my findings like it's the dating game.

here we go.

contestant number 1 hails from the south side of town, she's old and a little busted. she's the least popular contestant, and she's fallen into financial trouble the past few years, but that doesn't stop her from having her charms.

me - "number 1, if i were to golf you, what would a typical day be like?"

number 1 - "listen, i know i'm not the prettiest girl on the block, but i think we'd have a good time. if you're new to the game, i'll go easy on you. if you're able to ignore the rusted shopping carts in my creek beds, we should be just fine"

contest number 2 is a westsider. she's young and incredibly good looking. people think she's pretty, but with more expensive green fees, find her pretentious, and a little snooty.

me - "number 2, what advice could you give me if i wanted to play you?"

number 2 - "i'm out of your league, don't even try"

contestant number 3 also hails from the west side, but lives by the airport. she's not as pretty as contestant number 2, but has longer "legs". she's also more popular than number 2.

me - "number 3, what's the most difficult thing about golfing you?"

number 3 - "well, it's a bit of a drive to visit me, and some people complain about all the jets taking off in the background. i also don't have a lot of shade, so it's going to be hot, not a problem if you're into that sort of thing. also i'm the longest course in wichita, so you have to have a lot of energy, which scares some people off."

contestant number 4 is a downtowner. she's the most popular of all our contestants, as well as the most profitable. she's simple, but her location makes her extremely likable and fun.

me - "number 4, what can you tell me about yourself that would make me want to golf you?"

number 4 - "well, i'm right downtown, so i'm easy to play over a long lunch or right after work, but you'll have to call to set up a date well in advance, because i've got a lot of appointments."

finally contestant number 5. she's actually the most well rounded of all our contestants. she's mature, kept up well, and offers some challenges without being too difficult. her age has only brought on more beauty, and she recently had some major work done helping hide her age.

me - "number 5, what makes you unique?"

number 5 - "well, i actually use to be the old wichita country club, but they've moved on...don't worry, i'm not jaded or's not like i think about it all the time.... i've moved on...really...i've totally forgotten that part of my life. i'm very happy being a municipal course now. did i mention i use to be the wichita country club?"

after completing all the courses, news came the city of wichita won't be closing any of them. even though that's what spurred my quest, i'm glad i got out and golfed more this summer. truth is, they're all great courses, each with it's own unique quality, and it would be a shame to loose any of them.


Randy said...

Tex Consolver. I don't play but was surprised when I realized I never knew the name of that course. Also didn't know MacDonald was a country club.

ercwttmn said...


i just discovered both of those things this summer. i guess tex consolver use to be pawnee prairie golf course. i'm not sure when it changed names.