architects and dating - a pain in the butt[tress]

lately, there have been several articles written on how "sexy it is to be an architect", or "why you should date an architect."  that’s all fine and dandy, but there are a few issues that make us an absolute pain in the ass to date.  

i’ve narrowed it down to three main factors.

options

we’re always looking at options.  i don’t mean in the sense we’re looking for other people to be with, although frank and lou didn’t help our reputation on that issue.  rather our head is constantly looking at realistic possibilities to various situations. last weekend, my girlfriend and i, who i’ve been dating for a year and a half, had a very serious talk about the future.  during that discussion i may have said something to the effect of,

“well if we stay together, so and so will happen and if we break up, this could happen.”

to which she rightfully asked, “ you think about us breaking up?"

naturally, i don’t, but i told her it is an option to consider.

*this did little to get me out of the hole i was digging myself

through a little more conversation and another glass of wine, i was able to explain to her why i constantly look at options.  my whole job as an architect is to look at options.  nearly everything we do is looking at different possibilities and how we might deal with them. situations like, what if code won’t allow it?  what if the project needs to expand in the future?  what if the project is over budget?  what if the material specified is unavailable?  our whole day consists of looking at different options. unfortunately, i feel this trait follows me into my personal life.  i always have the overall goal of creating a great building, or in this case a long, healthy and beautiful relationship, but you have to be prepared for the worse, even the possibility of the project getting canceled.

defensiveness

a trait that quickly follows looking at lots of options is the stubbornness we have when we've come to a conclusion.  i’ve been told by multiple ex-girlfriends and several close friends i get very defensive when discussing ideas.

“you state everything as though it's the only right answer!” has been said to me more times than i’d like to admit.

i blame this on the profession as well, or more specifically our schooling.  most of architecture school is preparing projects for critiques, a situation where you must defend your thinking, rationalization and design against a barrage of questions. you prepare for every angle of attack, think of every possible detail they could discuss, and most importantly, you answer those questions confidently, even if you’re unsure.  it’s not hard to imagine how this training can make you appear like a jerk when involved with anyone who starts to question why you did something.  i know personally in arguments i’ll think to myself, 

“do you honestly think i didn’t think of that already! i've already looked at all the options!” 

not the best thought to have during a discussion but one i'm sure most designers have.  this can be a bad trait to have when things get heated with anyone, but ten times worse with a fellow architect.  if you ever happen to be in a situation where two architects are in a heated argument, get yourself some popcorn and a comfortable chair because it’s going to be a show.

vacations

i’m not sure how anyone, who isn’t an architect, vacations with us. honestly, my idea of a perfect vacation is simply walking around looking at buildings, going on building tours, admiring qualities of space, or sitting in a plaza sketching.  all incredibly wonderful to me; completely boring to most everyone else.  i once forced my parents to drive an hour out of our way to see a jewel box bank designed by louis sullivan in the middle of nowhere iowa.  i was enthralled, they sat in the car, waiting for me to stop taking pictures so we could drive the hour back to the interstate and continue on our way.  thankfully they’ve now figured out my vacation agenda and let me wonder around by myself all day long eventually meeting up to enjoy dinner with them.  i would like to tell you this was a single occurrence, but i’ve recently had my girlfriends parents drive me to various buildings around boston in the dead of a new england winter so i could take pictures.  i walked around admiring the architecture in the freezing cold, while they waited in the warmth of the car and, i’m assuming, wondered who in the hell their daughter was dating.

there are various other problems such as; late nights, lack of color in wardrobe, expensive furniture taste and impossible to shop for, but in my opinion the items discussed are the top three.

that being said, it really isn't all bad to date an architect. if someone is willing to accept these qualities, or rather, if we’re able to keep them in check, we really do make great partners. for the most part, you’ll have an individual who craves culture, can be a professional while still having an artistic side, will always to try find creative ways to show their love to you and will always be down to sit and enjoy a great cup of coffee with you.

or you could simply do what our clients have figured out; pay us to listen ad be civil.