[mourning] cooking

i would always have to call my mom whenever i wanted to make one of her recipes. so a few years back, she digitized all her, her friends, her mother’s, other family members, our neighbors, basically any recipe of any meal or dessert i enjoyed as a kid. she printed them all out and compiled them into a notebook and gave them to me for christmas a few years back.

i misplaced it...

 

 

my mom would ask about it and i’d have to admit i hadn’t found it yet.  then, as most of you know...my mom pasted away in november...

 

 

this past weekend i finally found it under a pot on a shelf i never use. i immediately turned to my favorite dish, wrote down the ingredients and went to the store.  cooking it and filling the kitchen with its familiar smell was more emotional than planned. having cold leftovers in the fridge, my mom’s favorite, heartwarming.

 

therapy in a three ring binder.

 

 

 

[covid] hit the fan

 well... covid finally hit our house.

after almost three years of avoiding it, it hit our house hard. our daughter was the first one to show symptoms and test positive.  shortly there after my wife and i did as well.  the real annoying part was that our daughter basically recovered from it in 24 hours, right around the time we got it.  it wasn't painful, but i can't lie, it was miserable.  i'm glad we were all vaccinated and handled it relatively well, but it did suck.

as i'm writing this a few weeks after the fact i will include our daughter brought home just about everything including a nasty stomach bug, keeping us all on the sick list the months of february and march...explaining the lack of photos the first part of the year. maybe we'll all be better when the weather is nice here...sometime in july.

thank[full]

 there's nothing better than going back home to visit friends and family during the holidays...especially if you love them and miss them dearly. thanksgiving found us back in kansas with all sorts of family enjoying food, adventures, stores and good times.  to say i'm thankful for these people is an understatement.

[back to boston] to see an old friend

aaron is arguably one of my oldest friends.  by that i mean, our parents were friends...even our grandparents were friends...

so when he mentioned he and his wife would be in boston for a few days, i didn't hesitate to round up the fam and travel down.  although they were sans their three kids, it was the first time he got to meet my daughter.  the afternoon was spent catching up and making new memories.  

and god willing one day my daughter will become friends with his and the generational friendship will continue!

summer[breeze]

 i'll never get over having the door open so the breeze can come in and fill the house ....in june.

this is [41]

another birthday and finally it feels a tad bit more normal.  i finally returned to my favorite bar for breakfast with friends and enjoyed a few hours of greasy food and bloody mary's.

maybe it's the fact it had been close to three years since i had been there, or possibly just great family and friends around, but it was a great way to start 41.

home for the holidays [finally]

 after a 2 and a half year drought, we all went to my hometown for the holidays.  there are hundreds of memories i could talk about that made this visit so wonderful, but let me just say that being home after such a long time away, was the best gift i've ever received.

happy [70] pop

i flew back home to throw a s urprise birthday for my dad. for an amazing guy that always puts others first and has done so much for me, it felt so good to have all his friends and family celebrate him.  love you pop!

this is [40]

so this is 40. 

 

to be honest not what i expected or planned.  minus the fact that we're still in the middle of a global pandemic and this is the second birthday spent in quarantine without celebrating with friends...there is no way i would have guessed my life would have been like this when i turned 40.  not good or bad...just unexpected. but i guess i'm at the point in my life now where i can say [that's life] and really have some experience behind it

to borrow a line from my blog title, here i am 40 years old, learning about life and getting paid with experience...still.

the pains of being a [new dad]

the past two months have been an absolute whirlwind.  trying to figure out this new schedule, life and way of living all while keeping a new born feed and healthy and trying to function on nearly zero sleep is the hardest thing i've ever done.

that was until i had to witness my daughter get her two month old shots.

i know it's necessary and i know that she won't remember it, but there's this overwhelming feeling i have that i never want her to experience pain or hurt and watching her get shots tested that feeling.....

like most things in this life, i think she handled it better than i did.

my grandfathers [watch]

when i was 16, my grandfather gave me a watch.




i had just gotten my drivers license and he ask if i wanted to take him for a drive in his el camino. we drove the back roads of western kansas, until we came upon the family land. we stopped the car on the side of the road.  while looking at the field and telling me about the harvest, he took the watch off his wrist and put it on mine.  one of my all time favorite memories of him.

just three and a half years later, when i was attending college,  he passed away.

his watch is my most cherished possession.

since then, i've worn the watch at all of my lifes milestones.  it was worn at events such as proms, graduations, family gatherings, when i got engaged and when i received my architecture license.  i'd wear it to remind myself of him and in a little way i eel like he was there with me.


it should be no surprise to know than when we headed to the hospital for the birth of my first child, i was sure to put it on.  here i an looking at the watch, waiting for the doctors to pull me into the operating room, just 22 minutes before i'd meet my daughter.


thanks for being there with me grandpa.

love you.

with a little help from [my parents]

living 1,700 miles away from where i grew up, i don't get to see my parents nearly as much as i would like.  thankfully, they recently came up to visit.

this visit found us keeping the tourist attractions to a minimum and instead activities were focused more on house projects.  not only did they help weed the yard and trim the hedges, we found the time to put together the crib.  this was actually my favorite project of the week.  i enjoy knowing that the crib my child will eventually sleep in was put together by my parents.

it was a quick trip and we didn't do anything too terribly exciting, but in a way, just having them around the house to help with small projects made me feel like they lived in the same town, instead of guests visiting.

i just wish they were here to help with all the other items i have to put together! 

year in pictures [2018]

year fourteen for the [year in pictures] post.


every year i’ve done this post, i’ve been able to come up with a theme that seems to encompasses the entire year.  sometimes it’s very apparent, other years it takes a while to discover.  this year was the latter.  i’ve stared at these ten pictures the last four weeks trying to figure out what binds them together; what’s the common thread weaving itself around each one? 

i think i might have figured it out with just a couple of days in january to spare….

in this social media world we live in, where you scroll through pages and pages of pictures of people showing you what they’re up to, it's easy to fall into a “grass is greener on other side” mentality.  even when you post a picture yourself it can give you anxiety wondering, “how many people will think what i’m doing is cool?”  as cliche as it sounds, the grass isn't greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.  

that’s what 2018 was for me; realizing that putting time and effort into your situation and the relationships around you are really what’s most rewarding; basically [watering your lawn]. now i understand the irony of saying all this on a blog post where i’m basically showing you pictures of what i was up to last year, but believe me…. this is just me looking back and appreciating what i've [watered.]

after moving away from my friends and family three years ago, to a city i had never been to before, nearly all my relationships were new.  with the perspective of time, i’m able to look back and see how those early interactions have grown into true friendships.  as a newly married man, i can also see how that rings true with my relationship with my wife.  if marriage has taught me one thing, it’s that i’m no lawn care professional.  hell, sometimes i wonder how was even lucky enough to acquire a lawn.  although there’s a lot to learn, i feel i do know one thing, and that is, even a little bit of water makes the grass greener.  also....don’t shit on the lawn…that’s a big one too.  i also know how important it is to take care of relationships with friends and family [back home] and how i need to keep those lawns [watered] with phone calls, texts and face time chats.


like i said before, this post and the following photos are just a look back at my life and appreciating the time and effort i’ve put into the last three years living in maine and enjoying the product.  i know all of you out there have your own wonderful lawns you’re taking care of as well.  this neighborhood called life we all find ourselves living in really is better when we can all sit back with a beer and enjoy a nicely maintained and watered lawn…and trying not to get too terribly mad when you find shit in it.

that being said…. here is my [watered lawns] of 2018

 ice_friends_1.20.18

 i've made a lot of good friends here in maine and they're all very active people that do maine things.  you meet someone, you hang out with them a few times, you become acquaintances, then you become friends and pretty soon your freezing your ass off with them in the middle of a frozen lake.
[frozen lawn]

 

 snowy_steps_3.8.18

 i hate the winter. 

let me rephrase that; i hate the winter when it lasts into april, which is what it does here in the northeast.  as awful as it is and as tiring as it can be to deal with it, one day you walk to work and look up and admire how the snow is falling on a historic building, and it almost makes it all worth it. 

[snowy lawn]

bowling_team_3.28.18

three years ago i joined an architecture board. during that time i got to know several of the people on it.  in january of last year, a few of them asked me to join a bowling league they were on.  not only did this help make the winter months a little more bearable, but it also turned acquaintances into true friends. 

[lawn league]

hunting_5.18.18

my wife and i spent most of 2018 looking for a house.  weekends were filled with going to open houses and setting up showings with our realtor. it's been a long, boring and sometimes stressful process.  it's also created many high energy discussions between my wife and i, but in the end,  there's no one else i'd rather go through all that with. hopefully we'll find a home in 2019.

[my own lawn]

under_the_falls_5.31.18

my wife and i took our honeymoon to jamacia almost a year after we got married.  one of the many activities we tried was climbing up dunns river falls.  between, the water, the rocks, the climbing, me helping her and her helping me, it almost felt like marriage counseling.  we were there for each other and had a blast doing it.  it was one of my favorite memories of the trip.  with all the stress we had with the house shopping, spending a couple hours climbing up a waterfall, with our only goal being not to slip and fall, was as priceless as it was enjoyable.

[waterfall lawn]

 time_to_sketch_6.5.18

sometimes you have to take a little time for yourself too.  while on our honeymoon i found time to draw in my sketch book, which is one of my favorite things to do.  although it's not a picture, this sketch sums up how relaxed i was during our trip.
[lawn relaxation]

 casco_sunset_7.21.18

sometimes i still can believe i live here.  this statement has a different tone when said in the summer.  witnessing a summer sunset from peaks island was one of my favorite moments of the summer.
[lawn sunset]

glass_house_8.24.18

sometimes i forget i'm in the northeast.  several places i studied in school that were thousands of miles away when i first read about them, are only a few hours away from me now.  with the glass house only being four hours away, there was no way i wasn't going to visit it.  also, introducing my in-laws to mid century modernism was a memorable and fun experience.

[minimalist lawn]

 boothbay_with_the_fam_9.7.18

i miss my parents...a lot.  it meant the world to me they drove from kansas to maine to spend seven wonderful days with my wife and i.  i was also able to show them my favorite spot in maine, boothbay harbor.  if absence makes the heart grow fonder, my heart is full of "fond" for these two...
[family lawn]

date_night_11.16.18

the last few months of the year, my wife and i went on a mission to find the best ice cold dirty martini in the city of portland.  every friday night, we'd hit up a different bar looking for the elusive cocktail.  the goal was to find the best martini, but what i really enjoyed was quality time with my best friend.  this picture was taken one night as we waited on our martini's.  not as exotic or exciting as a honeymoon, but little adventures like this seem to help create a healthy relationship.
[date night lawn]

family [captures]

like a lot of people, i enjoy taking pictures.  being an architect the majority of my digital camera roll usually consists of buildings or other structures, but occasionally something else finds its way into my viewfinder... people.

during my thanksgiving trip back to kansas, my sister asked me to take pictures of her family, a request i was more than happy to do.  not only is it a hobby i enjoy, but it gave me a chance to spend some quality time with my niece who is growing up far too fast and too far away for this uncle.  with the help of my parents and wife, who were behind me making noises and actions, we were able to get a few shots of her looking at the camera, just perfect for a frame.  however several of the "outtakes" were too precious to delete.  below are a few select pics, i hope you enjoy looking at them as much as i had taking them.

 

make your [parents] happy little [parents]

there was one thing in this life i swore i would never do.


last month i did it...and it wasn't that bad.


there is currently a very trendy activity you can find in almost any town that involves going to a studio and painting a picture someone else has already done.  that's right, you pay to copy someone's work.  for the life of me i couldn't understand the appeal of this.  if you wanted to paint, just go buy a canvas, some paints and create your own!  even worse, couples go to these classes!  at the end of the night you end up with two pieces of art that aren't really yours!  (i always imagined couples going home and fighting about which one goes on the wall!)

point is, i am not a fan of these classes and never planned on attending one.

my mom, however, LOVES them.

during my parents visit last month, my wife suggested i take my mom to one of these classes to spend some quality time with her.  i assumed she was joking, as she knows my opinion on these painting classes.  however, i knew exactly why she had suggested this; it was no secret to me that she had always wanted to take one of these painting classes and had bugged me for years to go with her.  thinking i could do the whole two birds with one stone thing i agreed to go, so we all three got singed up.

entering the studio and finding "my" easel, i was hesitant and not all that thrilled to be there.  however there was a bar and enjoying a beer before class started simmered me down a bit.  the class was pretty much what i expected.  they painted, we watched, we painted, monkey see, monkey do.  what i didn't expect was looking over at my mom and seeing how happy she was.  she was having a blast AND she was pretty damn good!  she was so thrilled to have us both there, painting with her, it immediately changed my perspective, and i started to enjoy the night.

near the end of the session, it hit me why my mom loved these classes so much.  there's something very zen-like about listening to someone describe how to paint, it's very relaxing, it's very bob ross-i-en.  painting in this class was basically my moms yoga, it was her way of clearing her mind.  she was simply switching out poses and asanas for palettes and acrylics.

all in all, it was a wonderful little adventure. spending quality time with my mom was priceless and one of my favorite parts of their trip.  although my opinion has changed slightly about these classes, it doesn't change the fact that we still ended up with THREE versions of the same painting that night. 

now we just have to decided who's goes on the wall.


"don't forget to tell these special people in your life just how special they are to you" - bob ross

love you mom.

 

parents [week]

remember in kindergarten when you would have an open house and your parents would visit your school so you could show off your classroom?  it was your chance to show your mom and dad your desk where you do all your work as well as the location on the mat where you eat your snacks.  it's a time to introduce them to your school friends and show them where you hang out at recess.  it was a whole night dedicated to showing your parents this whole new "school" life you were a part of; a different and exciting new world outside your home.  i remember how great of a feeling it was to share all this with them.

well, i can tell you as a 37 year old man it's still possible to have the same feeling.

i live nearly 2,000 miles from where i grew up and i don't get to see my parents nearly enough as i'd like.  maybe that's why after they drove up this summer to visit my wife and i, just like in kindergarten, i was excited to show them this new maine life i've created.  i may not have been able to show them everything, but it's only because this new northeast life is a slightly larger floor plan than my kindergarten classroom, but i did my best.

the major event was taking a trip to boothbay harbor to show them the town we love so much.  we spent two days eating at our favorite restaurants and meeting the friends we had made up there.  by the end of the boothbay trip, they shared our love of the town.  back in portland, i introduced them to the sandwich known as a maine ham italian, took them to trivia night at a brewery, ate at one of my favorite bbq spots and of course, just like in kindergarten, showed them my desk where i do all my work.

to say i enjoyed having them up for a week long visit would be an understatement, it really was fantastic.  just like when i was young, it was wonderful to show off this new world to my parents.

whether it's a 15 minute school bus ride, or a four day, 2,000 mile road trip, distances seem shorter when there are shared memories, and this trip created several.

year in pictures [2017]

year thirteen for the [year in pictures] post 

maybe i'm getting sentimental as i get older, but, as i follow my annual tradition of going through all the pictures i've taken the past year i couldn't help but notice more and more photos are of my friends and family, rather than landscapes and other objects.  if you've followed this blog for any length of time, you know i like to come up with a theme to go with the photos every year.  looking back at the images i picked, it would be easy to say "friends and family" but you know i would never settle for anything that simple.

there is a reason i was surrounded by so many friends and family this year; a lot of life events took place.  i started the year as a single guy and by the end of it i was married and an uncle!  there's something about those two events that will make you feel like an adult...basically i did a lot of [adulting] this year.

[adulting] can suck.  jokingly, it usually means paying bills, doing taxes or having to spend lots of money on functional items like dishwashers or tires instead of a trip to cancun.  [adulting] also means having to face tough situations and bad news in your life or in the lives of those you love.  [adulting] also means you are now tasked with taking those bad situations and making the best of them.

not gonna lie, [adulting] can be pretty shitty sometimes,

but it can also be wonderful.

because [adulting] is also caring about someone more than yourself.
[adulting] is placing the needs of your wife, husband or partner before yours.
[adulting] is providing for your children, niece or nephew.
[adulting] is caring for your family and friends.

so, with everything that went on in my life, you could say this was a year of [adulting].  thankfully though, i'm not doing it alone.  i have family and friends out there [adulting] as well, helping me through the bad times and celebrating the good times.


i hope you enjoy looking back through the [adulting] year of 2017 

headlight_1.7.17

my first new year in my new home of portland, maine.  i took this picture right as an incoming snowstorm was approaching.  i love how you can see the beacon through the storm.  there's a simile about [adulting] in there somewhere but it's even too cliche for me.  let's just say, it seemed like a perfect picture to represent a new year.

bonfire_5.6.2017

there is something about a fire that brings people together.  maybe it's buried deep within our dna from way back when we all lived in caves, or possibly people just enjoy the warmth.  either way, it seems impossible to be in a bad mood while standing around a fire.  this spring, i was invited to enjoy a bonfire out in the "country." not only was the night spent making new friends, but, it reminded me of kansas (which in a weird way made maine feel more like home).

 bachelor_party_5.20.17

a random photo taken very late during the night of my bachelor party. it was a chance to hang with some of my best friends and basically take a night off from [adulting].

junebucket_6.17.17

the "june bucket" tradition continued another year, with a few veterans and a lot of rookies.  holding true to form, the june bucket fostered new friendships, provided several new stories and was a perfect way to start the summer season.

 wedding_selfie_7.8.17

nothing makes you feel more like [adulting] than getting marred.  in front of family and friends, i went from being single to a married man.  i also went from caring about me to caring about her first.  they make you repeat a lot of words during your vows, but, it basically comes down to:
"will you take care of her no matter what?"

 i will.  

friends_7.8.17

i met these guys in architecture school right on the cusp of adulthood.  not only did they help me get through my studio projects and assignments, but they helped make college a memorable time filled with a thousand and one stories i still tell today.  i'm who i am today because of these guys. a close knit group of friends who stick together over many years is a wonderful thing.  it's been great watching them go from classmates, to drinking buddies, to husbands, to fathers....or what you might simply say is...become [adults].

gropius_8.5.17

i studied the gropius house while in architecture school and had one of the more memorable critiques i've had in my life because of it.  last summer i had a chance to visit the house in person.  this building and the critique, helped me better understand architecture and it was great to pay homage to it.  it was a reflective moment in time where "college" me interacted with [adult] me.

(also, there's no way i could have done this post and not included at least one architecture photo)

my_niece_11.9.17

if getting married didn't make me feel enough like an [adult] this year, i also became an uncle.  it was unreal. i got to hold the next generation of our family in my arms.  i was holding someone who will be here longer than i will be and will hopefully carry on a few of our crazy family traditions.  however, it wasn't just holding my niece that was so heartwarming that night; it was also watching my sister and brother-in-law as parents taking care of this wonderful new life.  

back_at_home_11.11.17

in november, my friends and i, gathered back in wichita for the wedding celebrations of one our closest friends.  between the ceremony and the reception, we were able to hang out for a couple of hours at one of our old bars. a place you could have found us at a decade ago.  now, in all different stages of [adulting] but still laughing and joking like the old times.

the_new_fam_12.24.17

we had two new official members of our family in the annual christmas selfie this year, my wife and my niece.  after many years as a family of four, we're now a family of seven.  i love this picture because it shows the people i care about most in my life.  [adulting] at its finest.